Monday, April 30, 2007

Me And Jesus. Jesus And Me.

Chaylene has impregnated my blog with a meme and she didn't even touch me.

If Jesus came a knockin' on my door one day, what would you do?

Well, I suppose I'd ask Him what's up? He did knock on my door. I'd hope His answer would be that He's just looking to hang out. I'd be pretty disappointed if He needed to use my phone, or bathroom, but He might. I might be a tad suspicious. Those close to Him had a rough time of it. I'm not looking for any trouble.

I suppose I'd invite Him in, offer Him a diet pepsi, ask if He was hungry or anything.

Hopefully, he would have time to sit down and talk. We'd probably have alot in common. We're both white-guys, living with our Dads, in the suburbs.

I'd have some questions for him, like why is egg nog only sold during Xmas and Easter? Has He ever been to Utah? Are You the same being as God, or are you two different people? How He ended up being a man and not a woman? Who's living in purgatory now? Why couldn't the Bears have won the Superbowl? What's He got against the Cubs. If He was starting a basketball team and could choose any players from history, who would be His starting five. You know, the important stuff.

After all my questions had been answered, maybe we could go for a walk. Or take the kids to the park. Maybe He could do some babysitting for me.

Most likely He meant to go to 333 West First street (not 333 East First street) which is a dentists office down the street. It's a common mistake, and we get alot of their mail. But the directions can be tricky, First street becomes one-way heading east when you wanna go west, as you approach downtown Elmhurst. So you gotta take a right at York, left at Schiller, and another left on Addison which will lead you back to First and you can continue west. It will be on your right.

Bye, Jesus.

Friday, April 27, 2007

I thought I Had It Bad.

This past Monday night I found myself in downtown Naperville at the Comedy Shrine. I was attending a general audition for the West Suburban Theatre Connection. These types of auditions happen all over the place, all the theatre companies in the WSTC get to send a representative and actors perform monologues, songs and various other pieces to as many companies as they can. I wasn't there to audition (thank, God) but as a rep. for Greenman Theatre Troupe of Elmhurst.

It's always interesting what people put on their resumes, but when it comes to acting resumes, pretty much anything goes. Actors will often list that they have a valid drivers license, adding that they can operate stick and automatic. Hey, there are lots of car commercials out there. You will also see a lot of horseback riding, juggling, various sporting abilities, foreign languages, etc. you never know what the role will require, might as well put it all on there.

One girl listed that she could squeal like a monkey. Guess what? One of the people attending asked her to do it. She did at proudly, which I give here props for. If you have it on your resume you better be able to do it and do it well.

I also saw something I had never seen before. One guy listed his college GPA. I know I said "anything goes," but rarely is a part given to the highest GPA. Plus, it was a 3.4 in a 4.0 system. Better than mine, but hardly worth calling attention to.

What really got me was this one poor guy. He had a solid list of credits in his resume and performed his monologue well, but his name was Jim Hendricks. Yeah, that's right, Jimmy Hendricks.

My last name is Hendricks. I can speak for every Hendricks on the planet when I say, the first time we heard the joke, "Any relation to Jimmy?" the joke was already old. But this Hendricks can't even laugh it off. I can't imagine how many times he has walked into an audition and had people make some joke like, "You don't look like what we expected." Or, "Can you play the guitar?"

I never got a chance to talk to him about it, but I feel a part of his pain.

Jim Hendricks

Monday, April 23, 2007

The Job. Summerteeth.

The weather was beautiful in Chicago this weekend. Summer seems to have finally arrived and I love everything about it...except for one thing, we open up our patio at the restaurant.

We have twelve extra tables on a back patio and four on the sidewalk in front. Our sections grow and usually this means we add another server to the shift to cover the extra tables. Not on Sunday's though. Sundays are a tough day to predict. It could be slow, and a waste of time for that third server. Or insanely busy, to busy for just two servers.

This past Sunday was insanely busy.

Combine that, with the staff adjusting to the increased amount of tables and you can get what we call in the business "weeded," or "slammed."

The level of my service doesn't fall off to much, but I am the type of waiter that asks if you want lemon or lime for your water if that's all you have to drink. I suggest espresso and dessert, I like to go through the menu and describe the various entrees. But when I'm weeded, I can't do very much of that.

My haste almost cost a customer a tooth.

A two-top came in and sat down during this crazy rush and ordered a couple of club sodas. After I delivered them, they asked if they could have some lime wedges with them.

Sure, fine. Lime wedges coming up.

As I said, normally I would have asked if they wanted any citrus, but I was in give-them-what-they-ask-for mode, and not in my mind-reading mode. As a customer, this should tip you off. Be specific with your waiter. Ask questions about the items you might want to eat.

After I dropped off the lime, they ordered two salads. A Cobb with no blue cheese or olives, and a summer salad. The ingredients in the Cobb salad are listed in the menu, the summer salad is only partially listed but ends with a, "...and much more."

This would be my downfall.

The salads came up, I delivered them and asked if there was anything else I could bring. No? Great, enjoy your meal. I went back to running around.

I passed by the table a few minutes later and the summer salad guy stopped me.

"There are olives with pits in here. I almost broke a tooth."

"I'm very sorry, sir, can I get you something else?"

"No. Why didn't you tell me about the olive pits? I almost broke a tooth. I didn't know they were in there."

"There have always been kalamata olives, with pits, in the salad, sir. I'll be happy to get you something else if you don't care for it."

"I don't want anything else. I want to know why you didn't tell me about them. I could have broke a tooth."

I want to say, because I am really fucking busy, and I lost my ability to alter the past in a terrible home-mulching accident, otherwise I would change all this unpleasantness. I want to say, because you didn't ask what else was in the salad beside what is listed in the menu. I want to say, you are the first person to ever complain about it. I want to say, you are a grown man, ordering for yourself and feeding yourself, slow down when you chew and I think you will be alright. I can only be so responsible for what you choose to put in your mouth. Sorry.

But I can't, I'd get fired.

So I do the only thing I can do, smile and offer to bring him a free dessert adding, "Again, I'm sorry, it's never come up before. From now on, I will always mention the olive pits to everyone that orders this salad. Are you sure I can't bring you something else?"

"No. I don't want anything else. I'd like to talk to a manager. I could have broke a tooth."

Fine. Great. I'm beginning to wonder if I had told you, but only said it once, you might not have heard me, given how you seem to repeat yourself.

You talk to our manager. Oh wait, we don't have one.

"On Sundays the bartender is in charge, you can talk to him, or you can fill out a customer comment card which the owner will read when he comes in tomorrow."

"You don't have a manager?"

"No. The bartender is the default manager when the owner is out."

"Fine. We'll take the bill." They pay and tip five on twenty-five.

O.k., decent tip, I take back what I thought about you.

He walks straight for our hostess who is dressed the best out of all of us, so I assume he thinks she might be in charge. From across the room I can see his lips say "tooth" over and over.

Despite the tip, I don't like seeing customers leave unhappy, it reflects poorly on me and I take some pride in my work. But you can't fix every mistake.

He did give us a new bit. Every time we bring something to our mouth, we scream, "My tooth!" and complain of not being told there was (fill in the objects name) in there. It's a pretty good bit.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Alien Baby.

So there it is. The new baby.

It's a little early to tell the sex, we have another sonogram scheduled in two weeks.

Cute the way it looks like it's resting its head on its hand.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Speedy Delivery.

The mail usually gets to me house around 4 in the afternoon. Sometimes as late as 5 or 6 in the evening.

At 7:30 this morning as I made my way, bleary eyed, downstairs, squinting at the bright sun coming though my window, I noticed a full mailbox.

Wow. Our mailman wants to get the weekend started.

Or, yesterdays mail came at an impossibly late time and we just didn't notice.

I'll keep you informed.

(Administrators note: It would seem that it was yesterdays mail. We got more mail at around 3:30, right before I went to work. Our TIME magazine was there. This made me happy.)

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

What's My Congressperson Up To?

This comes by way of

April 2, 2007

Recent Congressional Votes -
  • Senate: U.S. Troop Readiness, Veterans' Health, and Iraq Accountability Act
  • House: Budget Resolution, FY2008
Upcoming Congressional Bills -
  • Senate: Stem Cell Research Enhancement Act
  • Senate: HOPE Act
  • House: DC House Voting Rights Act
Recent Senate Votes

U.S. Troop Readiness, Veterans' Health, and Iraq Accountability Act - Vote Passed (51-47, 2 Not Voting)

The Senate passed this $122 million emergency supplemental bill that provides funds for military operations in Iraq and Afghanistan and sets a timetable for withdrawing troops from Iraq.

Sen. Richard Durbin voted YES......send e-mail or see bio
Sen. Barack Obama voted YES......send e-mail or see bio

Recent House Votes

Budget Resolution, FY2008 - Vote Passed (216-210, 7 Not Voting)

The House passed this $2.9 trillion budget plan setting spending priorities for the 2008 fiscal year.

Rep. Peter Roskam
voted NO......send e-mail or see bio

Upcoming Votes

Stem Cell Research Enhancement Act
- S.5

Following the Easter recess, the Senate is scheduled to take up this bill increasing funding for embryonic stem cell research.

HOPE Act - S.30

This Senate bill would increase funding for adult stem cell research.

DC House Voting Rights Act - H.R.1433

The House is scheduled to take up this bill after the recess that would give the District of Columbia a full vote in the U.S. House and add a new seat from the state of Utah.

Naked Bear.

My kids enjoy the 'Little Bear' cartoon on Nickelodeon. I like them too. They are charming and fun.

My problem is, what's up with the clothes?

Father Bear has a three piece suit on. Mother Bear is fully clothed as well.

Little Bear? No clothes. Naked.

What's up with that?