The Boys and I were playing in our yard earlier today. We live on the southeast corner of the block. Kids from the neighborhood roam freely from yard to yard. No fences. That's the way we like it. Sometimes other kids toys get left in this yard or that. Everyone is pretty cool with it.
The older, Philip, picked up someone else's two-handed, pump-action squirt gun. Pointed it two inches from his brother's face and pulled the trigger. I watched it happen but I couldn't get the no out of my mouth fast enough. Patrick was fine. The gun was empty save for a bit of mist.
The image was fairly shocking to me. I took the gun away. Explaining to him that I didn't like guns. He was sorry and wouldn't do it again. Sorry. No gun. Daddy doesn't like guns.
Philip is four. At four he knows what a gun is. Knows what will happen if you pull the trigger. Point. Aim. Shoot. Well, not really.
Last summer we went to the park one day. There was a kid there with plastic numb chucks stuck in his belt. A plastic knife in his pocket. A plastic rifle in his hand. This kid was ready for a Cobra invasion! He was nice enough to share one of his three hand-held weapons with Philip who held it upside-down and backwards.
I was somewhat proud of myself as a parent. He didn't even know what a gun was. Now he does.
See, I think violence is more damaging for a child than sexual subject matter or foul language. I would prefer The Boys watch "Emmanuelle 1: First Contact" than "C.S.I. Anywhere." There is just something off about a culture where children play with authentic replica assault rifles shouting, "I killed you," but the image of a baby breastfeeding on a magazine cover is cause for alarm. Call me crazy.
I understand that kids will be kids. Back in the day we all played "Star Wars." I watched "The A-Team" and "The Dukes Of Hazard." We didn't have "Good Taste." I never shot anyone. Anyone you know of.
How worried should I be about guns? What can a parent do? Am I over-reacting?
I'll go ask Philip, maybe he has some ideas.
19 comments:
I have different feelings on this...although my parenting skills are very laid back. My oldest son is 7 and has seen countless war films and westerns. I think violence is okay for children if in the right setting like with a parent who can explain everything. It's not like I let him watch movies about gangs and such (that is inappropriot in my oppinion).
Although I do use too much foul language in front of my kids (they are told that it is wrong). They are turning out okay so we must be doing something right...
The picture of the baby nursing threw me a bit...I don't miss those days at all.
So, war violence is okay but gang violence is not okay?
war violence and gang violence are different how?
Whoa! I just got updated on the controversy surrounding the magazine cover! What a bunch of prudes! I try not to use foul language in front of my 2 yr old. (Sometimes I fail) Toy guns have not yet been an issue, I don't think they will be. What about your child imitating vices. My kid picks up my beer bottles.
anonymous,
I don't think specified a difference in types of violence being better or worse.
What from the posting gave you that impression?
Thanks for reading my Blog.
the second anonymous,
Yes they mimic me alarmingly well. I get a kick out of when they talk on my cell phone.
War violence is part of history (a part of something children learn in school and it's a part of life today)...where as gang violence is something we do not live around nor will we ever. The 2 types of violence are highly different.
So Dirty... Are you suggesting that showing a child the opening 30 minutes of "Saving Private Ryan" is okay , but "Boyz in the Hood" is somehow a different type of violence and not okay? Or when you talk about war violence are you talking about images of cannons going off and planes dropping bombs? (A detached type of violence, because it does not show the gore of violence)
My son has seen the entire film of Saving Private Ryan...that was history and it really happened and I see nothing wrong with him being taught that. On the other hand, I refuse to teach my children that running around a hood selling drugs is "cool". As war is not cool, nor is the violence that it creates and the lives that are lost...it's a part of history that you can't make go away. I've never read about a gang in a history book...have you?
Sorry, I got to this discussion late. Dirty, I've got to say, I'm not following your logic here. You say that S.P.R. is ok because it's history, but that somehow the existence of gangs is invalid because it's not in a history book. You also say that you wouldn't show your kids B.I.T.H. because you don't want them to think gangs are cool, but you also don't want them to think war is cool. You seem to contradict yourself. I guess I'd say, what better way to show them gangs aren't cool than to show them a movie where people die and suffer as a result of gang violence.
My kids don't know what a gang even is...we live in Ohio and not in a hood. There is a war going on right now...what better way to explain what it is than through an excellant film. It's not like we let him see it as an educational tool...we simply are laid back in our parenting.
My kids are great kids and I feel that we are doing nothing wrong.
Dirty...Let me say this; I believe you when you say that you have great kids. I bet your feelings for your kids are identical to my feelings for my kid. I disagree with your point-of-view in our "private ryan/ boyz in hood" debate. I bet your 7 year old does know what gangs are (at least the hollywood kind), if not ask him/her again in 6 months.
New comment: showing someone "Private Ryan" to educate them about our current war is like........... I can't think of an apt analogy. Anyone? p.s. If Ohio has no gangs lets all move there. If there are no gangs where do the people get their drugs?
"..that was history and it really happened and I see nothing wrong with him being taught that"
I'm not going to punch my kid in the face to teach him that it hurts to get punched.
I won't get into my whole feeling on it because it throws in things that don't need to be aired out over the internet. He has no idea what a gang is...where we live (a small villiage)...he will never know.
As for gang movies over war...no there is no comparing those two things...but this is all my opinion and it works here...in our house.
Thanks for the vigorous debate. Good points from two people living in the same country but in entirly different areas. These different areas directly relate to this debate and your points of view. Interesting.
My two cents: I'm not sure that "punch in the face" example is really appropriateto this. If anything it's showing your kid someone being punched in the face to teach them it hurts.
I do agree in the educational value of historical movies despite their violence. I would put them on a different level. I think Boyz In The Hood falls in that catagory. I'm not sure Resevoir Dogs does. though.
In the original post I spoke generally and I think your debate illustrates the need to take these things on a case by case basis.
I think you're a fag.
Come get some!
Dirty... Shall call it a wash? I'm ending my comments on this thread and I wouldn't want to drive you away from reading this blog. I will continue to read this blog and comment. See you in the future.
anonymous...
I win...you lose...this game.
Just kidding.
See ya.
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